Can You Lend a Helping Hand, On the Road to Rainbow Land

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What
the fuck is this shit?  I mean, seriously...I love Rainbow
Brite.  When I was about 3, I would have sold my soul for blond hair,
because I absolutely loved this bitch.  For those of you who are unfamiliar
with Rainbow, this was a cartoon in my youth about a little girl who was
killed, went into this crazy alternate dimension, defeated the evil wizard
within, freeing the sprites and the color kids.  Along the way she meets
Twink, the prince of the Sprites, and Starlight, a horse who claims to be a
unicorn, or, failing that, the most awesome horse ever.

Because of her
overthrowing of the afterlife and turning it back into a color-filled, happy
place known as Rainbowland, Wisp, the little girl, is rewarded with
rainbow-themed superpowers.  She is the new sprite of Spring, along with
Moonglow (far left) the sprite of Fall, Tickled Pink (far right) the sprite
of Summer, and Stormie (not pictured) the Sprite of Winter.

Rainbow is helped
in her quest to bring color and joy to the world by the color kids, magical
creatures who seem similar to the Kokiri, one for each color in the
spectrum.  Like everyone, I have my favorite and least favorite color kid,
but that's a story for another day.  She's also helped by the Sprites, the
little fuzzy critters that you see at their feet.  The Sprite's home planet,
Prism, is a planet of crystals.  It used to be a thriving, green world, but
the Sprites let the color crystals overpower it, and now it's all crystal.
The sprites eat crystal though, so it's all good.  There's a lot of bullshit
about their homeworld to.  But they're cool little puff-balls.

Twink Kel
(because it was the 80s) is the prince of the Sprites.  He hangs around
Rainbow Land.  It's hinted in the show that the Sprites are indentured
servants to the Color Kids; they work their fields and toil in the mine to
get Star Sprinkles, a magical medium and a food source for the Sprites, but
these sprinkles were filtered through Rainbow castle, the vast majority of
them going to the government (the color kids) kind of like a feudal system.
Twink's father, Orin still lives on Prism and is the King there.  He seems
to have some kind of Oracle (what with his name being Orin Kel- again, 80s)
powers that allowed him to predict the future and perform magic tricks.

Anyway,
the HUB network, Hasbro's new cash cow, was planning a re-release of Rainbow
Brite in 1999.  The network is now available, and many shows have enjoyed
relaunches, like Transformers, GI Joe (though after Resolute they aren't
going to be able to top it, fans standards got all high when you showed us
something good) and Strawberry Shortcake.  However, HUB has announced that
it is not picking up the Rainbow Brite relaunch
because of negative fan reactions to it.  Because there are some hardcore
Rainbow Brite fans out there who would have made a great fan-base, this
leads me to an inevitable conclusion.

The relaunch must
have sucked.  I'm told that the pilot, the show that the audience had the
negative reaction to, is available on the Rainbow Brite website for
download.  I'm gonna have to watch me some of that.